Here are 15 Taxi Cab Jokes for Your Enjoyment -- Bonus Material Included 🙂
Today we decided to add a few taxi jokes to the DashRabbit Taxi website blog for your entertainment. Some of these jokes are pretty good and some are not. Either way, here are the top 15 taxi cab jokes that we could find along with a couple of bonuses to give you a good laugh.
Taxi Jokes 1 - 5
Joke #1) Made In Japan
There was a Japanese man who went to the USA for some sightseeing. On the last day of his trip, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive him to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet even though this continued for most of the ride. Finally, the taxi arrived at the airport. The fare was US $300. The Japanese exclaimed, “Why… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”
Joke #2) Bowling Buddies
Bob works a hard job, so he spends many evenings out bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Bob! How ya doin?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Bob. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, “Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” Bob’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a taxi cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cab driver turns around and says, “Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.”
Joke #3) The Hooker
A young man and his hot date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Joke #4) Heaven’s Door
A Taxi driver and a Priest die and knock on heaven’s door. St-Peter shows the Taxi driver his new home, a lavish Castle fully equipped with butlers and servants.
When the priests turn comes, he is shown a meager Hut with no electricity or water. The priest complains to St-Peter: “How is it the Taxi driver gets a Castle and I only got this small Hut? I’ve been working for Jesus all my life, not him.”.
St-Peter responded: “Yes you were working for Jesus, but during your Sunday sermons everybody slept. When the Taxi driver rode with clients, they prayed.”
Joke #5) Taxi Driver in Dublin
Geordie is in Dublin on Business and takes a Taxi from the Airport to his Hotel in the City Center. As they come out of the Airport, the Taxi driver shoots through a red light.
“Driver, you could have killed us, you jumped that red light!” shouts Geordie.”Ah te be sure, my brother and me, we do that all the time” says the cabbie.
A mile down the road and the Taxi driver shoots over another red light. “Driver, that was another red light!” Screams Geordie.”Ah to be sure its nothing at all my brother and me, we do it all the time.”
They get to the next traffic light. Its green, the Taxi driver stops! ” Driver, its a green light ! Why the hell have you stopped ?” says Geordie.
“Ah to be sure, ” says the Taxi Driver, ” my Brother, he might be coming the other way ……..”
Taxi Jokes 6 - 10
Joke #6) Three Drunk Men
Three men were very drunk and stopped a taxi for a ride. The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them, “we have arrived”.
The first man gave him money. The second one thanked the taxi driver. The third one slapped him (the taxi driver).
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn’t move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man: “what was that for?”. The drunken man replied, “control your speed next time!!! you nearly killed us!!!”
Joke #7) Stubborn Taxi Drivers
In a very small alley two taxis driving in opposite directions meet. As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse, and angrily look at one another.
Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading. The other one politely asks, “When you’ve finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?”
Joke #8) Cowboy Taxi
A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat, leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid asked him, “Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?”
The cowboy replied, “Well, son, the big hat protects me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it protects me then, too.”
“Why do you wear that leather vest?” “It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has pockets where I can keep my valuables.”
“Well, why do you wear leather chaps?” “They protect my legs when I’m driving my horse through mesquite and cactus.”
“Well, Mr. Cowboy,” the kid finally asked, “Why do you wear sneakers?” “That’s so nobody will think I’m a taxi driver.”
Joke #9) Toronto Taxi Driver
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel.
Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver “What’s that building there?” “That’s the Royal York Hotel” replied the cabbie. “The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About 12 years” replied the cabbie. “12 years? We build ’em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months.”
A while later the cab driver makes his way past the Metro-Toronto Convention Center. “What’s that building over there?” asked the Texan. “That’s the Metro-Toronto Convention Center” replied the cabbie. “Convention Center? How long did it take to build that?” asked the Texan. “About three years” replied the cabbie. “Three years? We build ’em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks.”
Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower. “What’s that building there?” asks the Texan, pointing at the tower. “Danged if I know” replied the cabbie, “It wasn’t here when I drove by yesterday.”
Joke #10) Cab Accident
While out cruising, the Taxi Driver misjudged a curve and drove his cab into the wall dividing the houses of a Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and a Mr. and Mrs. Ball.
Thankfully, he was pulled out by the Smiths.
Taxi Jokes 11 - 15
Joke #11) Painted Taxi Cab
Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”
“Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”
Joke #12) A Lawyer and a Priest
A taxi driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road so, he stopped to give the priest a ride.
A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his cab at him.
At the last second, he thought about the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but heard a thump anyway.
Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”
But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”
Joke #13) Terrifying Story
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver, so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over.
The car jumped the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.
The startled passenger said “I didn’t mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something.” The taxi driver says “Not your fault Sir. It’s my first day as a cab driver, I’ve been driving a hearse for the past 25 years”.
Joke #14) The Perfect Man
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi driving by. He got into the taxi, and the driver said, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Ryan”
Taxi Driver: “Ryan Jay Robinson. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Ryan Jay Robinson, every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Taxi Driver: “Not Ryan Jay Robinson. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. You should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”
Taxi Driver: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.
He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Ryan Jay Robinson, he could do everything right.”
Passenger: “Wow. Some guy then.”
Taxi Driver: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Ryan, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.
He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Ryan Jay Robinson.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
Taxi Driver: “Well, I never actually met Ryan. He died. I’m going to marry his widow next week.”
Joke #15) Six – One Liners..
- What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis
- Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver.
- Why didn’t the platypus pay the taxi driver? Because he only had a one-dollar-bill!
- What’s worse than it raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi cabs!
- What do you call a man with a shot of whiskey on his head? A taxi. Clearly, he’s had too much liquor and is being a nuisance.
- How many taxi drivers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw it in and one to overcharge for the bulb.
Here's a Funny Taxi Video as a Bonus
There you go, 15 taxi jokes that we found around the web along with a few cute photos and a video. We hope you enjoyed this article as much as we did creating it.